10 week belly photo

I'm slowly but surely getting a little bigger. It's exciting. I am also getting a little better taking pictures of myself. Maybe I'll have J take the rest of them. Might be easier. Still feeling good. Tires and hungry all the time. Almost into the second trimester. ...2 weeks I know but these past 10 have flown by as well. Once I am not so tired I will give you better updates on myself and baby W

Baby W - 10 weeks

Here is baby W in all "his" glory. Measuring in at 3.6 centimeters and 10w4d. Perfect :) Daddy W insists it's a boy. ... only 10 weeks and well know for sure!

Baby or Hunchbacked Gummy Bear?

This is our newsest picture of Baby Weller. We found out Monday that there is only 1 baby inside and #2 blastocyst didn't attach. We had a bit of a scare on Friday afternoon though. I was bleeding pretty good, but only for a bit and the doc told me to go home and rest...then the bleeding stopped. So that was good. We anxiously waited for our ultra sound on Monday to make sure we were still pregnant. Thankfully we found out that #1 was beautifully growing with a HR at 161 and sadly found out that #2 didn't attach or continue to grow. Surely the bleeding was caused by #2 leaving althought I didn't have any clots or anything so who knows honestly. Our next appointment is September 4th down in Omaha this time with the RE. Apparently #1's sack is a bit small and the baby is just fine. Not really sure what that means or how we fix that but she wants to see me for herself instead of just reading the summary from the clinic up here. It will be nice to see her though since we haven't seen her since the restocking of the fish tank...that seems so long ago!! BUT there ya go, that's your update!

Blurrrrrrrr

And we've got one jellybean for sure!  Right now it's all sort of a blur. Out doesn't seem to real yet and I am sure that will change soon but for now I just take my vitamins and get my progesterone shots every other day now and wait for our next appointment. Jb1 is measuring at 5w3d which is probably why we couldn't really see jb2's heart beat. There is a yoke in the sack so that's a start.  Next ultra sound on the 19th so we'll know for sure if we have 1 or 2 jellybeans....like I said....it's all just like a big blur! Jb1 is the white dot at the bottom left side of the ring.

Vampires, vampires, and sticks

Two Sundays ago I woke up bright and early like clockwork at 4:30 am to use the bathroom (always a good sign!). I decuded even though I was getting the blood test that day that I wanted to see that positive pee stick. And sure enough 8 days post  restocking the pond, we had a nice little plus sign where there was only ever a minus sign before. Of course I took a picture....and then proceeded to place it right next to the hubbs' glasses so he would find it when he woke up.  Needless to say we were bith thrilled.

Got ready and drove into Grand Rapids for the blood test. Test came back and my nunber was 90 the doc said. ..next stop was a second test two days later. At this point the second test came back at 370. VERY GOOD the doc said and told us she wanted more blood and an U.S. on Monday August 5.   Woot woot. 6 days til we find out how many attached or even possibly split! Possible pictures to follow if we get them! :-)

D-days

Last Monday morning we drove the long road down to Omaha to get all those eggs out. 18 total is what were told tue doc took out. Tuesday she called and told us 13 were punctured with sperm and 11 survived that part. Thursday they called again and said 8 had survived and that my implanting would take place Saturday morning back down in Omaha.  Once again we were on the road to drive down before the sun came up (at this point it's a normal thing). The doc called on the way to say 2 were in perfect blastocyst format and whether or not we wanted both. We both said HECK YES! The rest would be put back since they weren't ready to be frozen yet. Hopefully we get a call soon to tell us if they grew more.  And since then...bedrest! Today I went back to work and I'll get a blood test at the grand itasca hospital on family vacation to see if my numbers and growing correctly. I assume at that point we will make the ultra sound appointment and maybe more blood tests but otherwise we might be alright! Fingers crossed!!!!!

Stats....

18 eggs asspirated.  13 injected with sperm. 11 fertilized by the next day. We'll find out more tomorrow and with probably implant 2-3 depending on quality of the embryos on Saturday morning. Woot woot. God is great!

Medical miracles

I know that God is amazing. I know that his plan is worth it and He only hands us things that we can handle. Since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a mommy. Someday I know I will be one. Not because  I am crazy fertile or because we are pregnant. But because I have faith. Two Fridays ago we began our first round of ivf. So far so good. Stats will come in a later post. At this time though,  I am just at peace. I know that until that baby or babies are in our arms that nothing is a guarantee. And even then.....who knows. What I do know is that it will happen eventually and that I am okay with. God doesn't give painful experiences without some sort of joyful experience to enjoy after. I thank God for our current good fortune in this horrid journey of infetility and pray for all of those who continue to suffer everyday. Without God creating the mind of all of us and the great doctors and scientists, we would be no where near where we have gotten today.

Feelings

Fear. Anxiety. Worry. Scared. Torn. Nervous. Impatience. Pain. Hope. Faith. Restless. Sadness. Happiness. Afraid. Uncertainty. Loss of control.

The hurry up and wait game just might kill us. I wish there was a way I could remove myself from all these emotions. I don't do well with them. I can't control them properly and I let them appear whenever they see fit. I use to be better at hiding them but for some reason I just want to scream them out when they appear.  Loss of control is the worst. I wish I could just turn my mind off with this whole process. Hurry up and wait has never worked for me. I am impatient and I want instant answers and results when I deal with things and in this situation, I have NO control. One more week and we'll have our first questions answered. I can do this. We can do this.

RE Adventures

On Tuesday the hubbs and I went to Omaha for our first appointment with the RE. Lots of information "throw up" at us (as she would like to say). We really liked her and her approach to things and are happy with our decision to go to her. I was a bit nervous with this because it took us 3 months to get in to see her and if we didn't like her, we risked the chance of having to wait another 3 or more months to get in with someone different. Needless to say the only waiting we are doing now is for my next cycle starts. The RE would like to check for polyps and such inside my uterus and also another SA for the hubbs. After this point though I am assuming we will jump feet first into either IUI or IVF on my following cycle. Maybe by the end of May I will be changing my wanna-be status!

Numbness

The last few months I have been feeling rather numb to my life. I get up, go to work, occasionally go to the gym and then it's home to make dinner and lounge around. Other people continue on with their lives and I continue to just feel numb to my surroundings.  Not sure how healthy it really is, but it's how it is right now. I don't know what I am doing. I don't have a purpose. Well I don't feel like I have a purpose.  Does this happen to anyone else?