tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15714139048085192442024-02-22T00:23:58.139-08:00Ramblings of a (Wanna-Be) MommaKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-24993369856446939222015-01-08T10:11:00.002-08:002015-01-08T10:11:28.543-08:00If you miss me...find me over here.... <a href="http://raisingwellers.blogspot.com/">http://raisingwellers.blogspot.com/</a>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-83278795157395872232014-08-24T14:34:00.001-07:002014-08-24T14:34:33.293-07:00A letter to a friend<p dir="ltr">Dear Sioux City,</p>
<p dir="ltr">Hello. This has been a long time coming and we always knew that it would happen someday. Our relationship started off a bit rough, driving down in an icy storm, a broken toe, and a 10 inch snow storm all within the firat few days. At that point I never would have imagined that when I wrote you this goodbye letter, that there would be tears in my eyes and a crack in my heart. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You've been here for us for so many moments in our lives in such a short time that it is a bit hard to believe I haven't loved you forever. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Over the last three and a half years you have watched as we've made new forever friends, started new jobs, bought our first house, conquered our infertility journey with a successful IVF baby boy, bought a 'family friendly' car, and found out our lives would change once more. I have to admit, I never dreamed I would be sad to leave you and all the love you've given us. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Be good to those we leave behind and to yourself old gal. It's been fun. We'll never forget you! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Love, The Wellers</p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-90907423163286746422014-03-28T09:23:00.001-07:002014-08-24T11:37:47.177-07:00We're still here......just a bit more tired<p dir="ltr">As you may have noticed, I took a bit of a hiatus on blogging about our pregnancy and life in general.  Well I am back and a proud mama of a 6 month old boy named Jackson.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">Why did I stop blogging you say? I was a bit torn whether to post or not and if you know me IRL, you've got me on Facebook and have seen a bit more since my 10 wk appointment.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">At my 10wk appointment we found out that I had a complete previa. (Placenta laying over cervix) We were told that we shouldn't worry because almost all previas move out of the way as your belly and baby grow. Well that darn thing put us into a high risk category for pregnancy. Placenta previas cause the mother to be at high risk for bleeding during pregnancy,  during birth and can cause life threatening issues for the mama and the baby.  ( mayo clinic has some better information http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/placenta-previa/basics/definition/con-20032219 )</p>
<p dir="ltr">We had special ultra sounds once a month measuring the babe and watching that darn placenta become his pillow at the"bottom" if my uterus.  It didn't move. It stayed over Jackson's exit route so we had to plan a little detour :) we'll get more into that when I finally document his birth story! :) </p>
<p dir="ltr">I guess the biggest reason I didn't blog my pregnancy is because I had this"hold your breath" kind of feeling the entire time I was pregnant.  Instead of fully enjoying my pregnancy and dreaming of what this little guy inside of me would look like and be like,  I held back. Don't get me wrong,  there were plenty of times that I would sit and wonder but I also felt that if I didn't plan or dream as much as one "should" during pregnancy that if something happened, it would be eaiser to deal with if I didn't let myself become attached to what we had tried so hard for that was finally happening.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">So there ya go, now you know why I stopped!  And since that amazing day in February,  yes February but more on that later, life has just taken over!  A 6 month old.....I still can't believe it myself! </p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-48390941806929619042013-09-05T11:22:00.001-07:002013-09-19T07:11:13.318-07:0010 week belly photo<p dir=ltr>I'm slowly but surely getting a little bigger. It's exciting. I am also getting a little better taking pictures of myself. Maybe I'll have J take the rest of them. Might be easier. Still feeling good. Tires and hungry all the time. Almost into the second trimester. ...2 weeks I know but these past 10 have flown by as well. Once I am not so tired I will give you better updates on myself and baby <u>W</u></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Kc1bSvXg1dsZnDgqNB3Z4mITgkybxkFH9x354h_5XlWzSY0UN3TcyHaFNcYPr0unmaBRL00ubkg2QIo02HgxrnULwCGzu2q0__BgfPP8I3-NREkSQZN73vfNLZK60qVtHHTzhXVIDNE/s1600/10%252520weeks%252520done%252521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Kc1bSvXg1dsZnDgqNB3Z4mITgkybxkFH9x354h_5XlWzSY0UN3TcyHaFNcYPr0unmaBRL00ubkg2QIo02HgxrnULwCGzu2q0__BgfPP8I3-NREkSQZN73vfNLZK60qVtHHTzhXVIDNE/s640/10%252520weeks%252520done%252521.jpg"> </a> </div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-712666299483344702013-09-05T11:18:00.001-07:002013-09-19T07:11:08.979-07:00Baby W - 10 weeks<p dir=ltr>Here is baby W in all "his" glory. Measuring in at 3.6 centimeters and 10w4d. Perfect :) Daddy W insists it's a boy. ... only 10 weeks and well know for sure! </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPWSW3GTc48_mle6_pFD5pFta4GuAXoQKJOwEEpa9RLqCcDQOD9NtwsxBAOHxsO3Tw6Nt7QUENgNwfGf9PFQS86xG5_LiBjfxXncL_LL_js1QPkPh1mWwdpJbUA2iJLxON7ryDK4vydb8/s1600/20130904_090646.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPWSW3GTc48_mle6_pFD5pFta4GuAXoQKJOwEEpa9RLqCcDQOD9NtwsxBAOHxsO3Tw6Nt7QUENgNwfGf9PFQS86xG5_LiBjfxXncL_LL_js1QPkPh1mWwdpJbUA2iJLxON7ryDK4vydb8/s640/20130904_090646.jpg"> </a> </div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-20343096314115851422013-08-22T11:47:00.001-07:002013-09-19T07:10:45.683-07:00Baby or Hunchbacked Gummy Bear?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This is our newsest picture of Baby Weller. We found out Monday that there is only 1 baby inside and #2 blastocyst didn't attach. We had a bit of a scare on Friday afternoon though. I was bleeding pretty good, but only for a bit and the doc told me to go home and rest...then the bleeding stopped. So that was good. We anxiously waited for our ultra sound on Monday to make sure we were still pregnant. Thankfully we found out that #1 was beautifully growing with a HR at 161 and sadly found out that #2 didn't attach or continue to grow. Surely the bleeding was caused by #2 leaving althought I didn't have any clots or anything so who knows honestly. Our next appointment is September 4th down in Omaha this time with the RE. Apparently #1's sack is a bit small and the baby is just fine. Not really sure what that means or how we fix that but she wants to see me for herself instead of just reading the summary from the clinic up here. It will be nice to see her though since we haven't seen her since the restocking of the fish tank...that seems so long ago!! BUT there ya go, that's your update!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoZq_lYeDLafnoZuY-Ch0YGamvLw3xExnsXli1Gos_8v73aLi-JeI6Kc1kyLR0622d54ZggvYE6XBy5Oyr-HIDcpKelsjsvxdnsUhhpszKWg3lkdvJ3fuIdDaORDVhZaUqc8zjh9qiqlg/s1600/20130819_104956.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoZq_lYeDLafnoZuY-Ch0YGamvLw3xExnsXli1Gos_8v73aLi-JeI6Kc1kyLR0622d54ZggvYE6XBy5Oyr-HIDcpKelsjsvxdnsUhhpszKWg3lkdvJ3fuIdDaORDVhZaUqc8zjh9qiqlg/s640/20130819_104956.jpg" /> </a></div>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-53176178806288768302013-08-06T13:19:00.001-07:002013-09-19T07:10:15.856-07:00Blurrrrrrrr<p dir="ltr">And we've got one jellybean for sure! Right now it's all sort of a blur. Out doesn't seem to real yet and I am sure that will change soon but for now I just take my vitamins and get my progesterone shots every other day now and wait for our next appointment. Jb1 is measuring at 5w3d which is probably why we couldn't really see jb2's heart beat. There is a yoke in the sack so that's a start. Next ultra sound on the 19th so we'll know for sure if we have 1 or 2 jellybeans....like I said....it's all just like a big blur! Jb1 is the white dot at the bottom left side of the ring.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYOH3gDbjPrdo_ZbyiabSg-OhpCKVqkxuDOmP5xMNPScgfw5cKuYJfyNkrcWaBwnI6adcBDCl0ib5_xnhGS4En1S72DROvJln2KhZKrQF_9Qn6g6p2xKSJOyFDkZ_WwXcfFp-O5CN7Y9M/s1600/20130806_080054.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYOH3gDbjPrdo_ZbyiabSg-OhpCKVqkxuDOmP5xMNPScgfw5cKuYJfyNkrcWaBwnI6adcBDCl0ib5_xnhGS4En1S72DROvJln2KhZKrQF_9Qn6g6p2xKSJOyFDkZ_WwXcfFp-O5CN7Y9M/s640/20130806_080054.jpg"> </a> </div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-49786898076449564432013-07-30T19:35:00.001-07:002013-09-19T07:09:52.175-07:00Vampires, vampires, and sticks<div dir="ltr">
Two Sundays ago I woke up bright and early like clockwork at 4:30 am to use the bathroom (always a good sign!). I decuded even though I was getting the blood test that day that I wanted to see that positive pee stick. And sure enough 8 days post restocking the pond, we had a nice little plus sign where there was only ever a minus sign before. Of course I took a picture....and then proceeded to place it right next to the hubbs' glasses so he would find it when he woke up. Needless to say we were bith thrilled. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
Got ready and drove into Grand Rapids for the blood test. Test came back and my nunber was 90 the doc said. ..next stop was a second test two days later. At this point the second test came back at 370. VERY GOOD the doc said and told us she wanted more blood and an U.S. on Monday August 5. Woot woot. 6 days til we find out how many attached or even possibly split! Possible pictures to follow if we get them! :-)</div>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-2548602851417242702013-07-16T16:12:00.001-07:002013-07-16T16:12:35.034-07:00D-days<p dir=ltr>Last Monday morning we drove the long road down to Omaha to get all those eggs out. 18 total is what were told tue doc took out. Tuesday she called and told us 13 were punctured with sperm and 11 survived that part. Thursday they called again and said 8 had survived and that my implanting would take place Saturday morning back down in Omaha.  Once again we were on the road to drive down before the sun came up (at this point it's a normal thing). The doc called on the way to say 2 were in perfect blastocyst format and whether or not we wanted both. We both said HECK YES! The rest would be put back since they weren't ready to be frozen yet. Hopefully we get a call soon to tell us if they grew more.  And since then...bedrest! Today I went back to work and I'll get a blood test at the grand itasca hospital on family vacation to see if my numbers and growing correctly. I assume at that point we will make the ultra sound appointment and maybe more blood tests but otherwise we might be alright! Fingers crossed!!!!!</p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-70956251879386089432013-07-10T16:56:00.001-07:002013-07-10T16:56:10.187-07:00Stats....<p dir=ltr>18 eggs asspirated. 13 injected with sperm. 11 fertilized by the next day. We'll find out more tomorrow and with probably implant 2-3 depending on quality of the embryos on Saturday morning. Woot woot. God is great! </p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-82775886444525019282013-07-09T14:04:00.001-07:002013-07-09T14:04:10.178-07:00Medical miracles<p dir=ltr>I know that God is amazing. I know that his plan is worth it and He only hands us things that we can handle. Since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a mommy. Someday I know I will be one. Not because  I am crazy fertile or because we are pregnant. But because I have faith. Two Fridays ago we began our first round of ivf. So far so good. Stats will come in a later post. At this time though,  I am just at peace. I know that until that baby or babies are in our arms that nothing is a guarantee. And even then.....who knows. What I do know is that it will happen eventually and that I am okay with. God doesn't give painful experiences without some sort of joyful experience to enjoy after. I thank God for our current good fortune in this horrid journey of infetility and pray for all of those who continue to suffer everyday. Without God creating the mind of all of us and the great doctors and scientists, we would be no where near where we have gotten today. <br>
</p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-83362032264113526112013-06-30T11:53:00.001-07:002013-06-30T11:53:39.227-07:00Feelings<p dir=ltr>Fear. Anxiety. Worry. Scared. Torn. Nervous. Impatience. Pain. Hope. Faith. Restless. Sadness. Happiness. Afraid. Uncertainty. Loss of control. </p>
<p dir=ltr>The hurry up and wait game just might kill us. I wish there was a way I could remove myself from all these emotions. I don't do well with them. I can't control them properly and I let them appear whenever they see fit. I use to be better at hiding them but for some reason I just want to scream them out when they appear.  Loss of control is the worst. I wish I could just turn my mind off with this whole process. Hurry up and wait has never worked for me. I am impatient and I want instant answers and results when I deal with things and in this situation, I have NO control. One more week and we'll have our first questions answered. I can do this. We can do this. </p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-87674659458271038802013-03-07T19:19:00.002-08:002013-06-30T11:53:59.851-07:00RE AdventuresOn Tuesday the hubbs and I went to Omaha for our first appointment with the RE. Lots of information "throw up" at us (as she would like to say). We really liked her and her approach to things and are happy with our decision to go to her. I was a bit nervous with this because it took us 3 months to get in to see her and if we didn't like her, we risked the chance of having to wait another 3 or more months to get in with someone different. Needless to say the only waiting we are doing now is for my next cycle starts. The RE would like to check for polyps and such inside my uterus and also another SA for the hubbs. After this point though I am assuming we will jump feet first into either IUI or IVF on my following cycle. Maybe by the end of May I will be changing my wanna-be status!Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-69064324720184197452013-03-04T16:21:00.001-08:002013-03-04T16:21:36.644-08:00Numbness<p>The last few months I have been feeling rather numb to my life. I get up, go to work, occasionally go to the gym and then it's home to make dinner and lounge around. Other people continue on with their lives and I continue to just feel numb to my surroundings. Not sure how healthy it really is, but it's how it is right now. I don't know what I am doing. I don't have a purpose. Well I don't feel like I have a purpose. Does this happen to anyone else?</p>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-16261058148716982002012-10-08T06:10:00.001-07:002012-10-08T06:10:28.095-07:00Sentences<div><p>We put an offer in on a house on Saturday.<br>
It was countered back and we have til 11 today to respond.<br>
I have to "beg" our landlord to let us have a less than 60 day notice or this all goes to hell.<br>
They want to close on or before Nov 30th. <br>
We want to close before Thanksgiving weekend.<br>
I get to drive twenty minutes to get the husbands plates renewed.<br>
They expired in MN a year and a half ago. <br>
He finally got pulled over last week for them.<br>
$115 dollar ticket. Joy.<br>
We have an appointment this afternoon as well with my doctor.<br>
I know she will tells us what to do next since that is the point of this appointment.<br>
I am worried it will be only IVF.<br>
Completely okay, but that puts our lives on hold until we can afford it.<br>
That means many more family events with strange looks and dumb ass questions. <br>
How much longer can I be strong? I already hold back random bouts of tears on my way to work, at work, on lunch, and at home. I feel so defeated and like a failure. The win of getting this house will probably help, but for how long? </p>
</div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-39724026779498955152012-10-02T19:38:00.001-07:002012-10-02T19:38:04.781-07:00How to survive the holidays .....<div><p><b>While I am not sure how WE will survive the holidays as infertiles....this article offers some tips for all of us to remember not just during the holidays, but all the time! </b></p>
<p><b>I found it on http://www2.wjbf.com/ugc/snap/news/5-holiday-tips-for-infertile-couples-and-5-tips-fo/13947/ </b></p>
<p><b>Here it is: </b></p>
<p><i>These simple tips will go a long ways in helping infertile couples celebrate the holidays.</i></p>
<p><i>As the holidays gain momentum, festivities with family and friends take up a large part of the season. But for many couples, this joyous time is dampened by infertility. As family gatherings and children-centered activities ensue, infertile couples can struggle with the pain of not having their own family yet, especially when a friend or family member casually drops the question, “When are you going to have kids?”</i></p>
<p><i>One in six couples experiences infertility. This adds up to a lot of silent sufferers during the holiday season. The Servy Massey Fertility Institute offers these helpful tips for infertile couples and their loved ones during the holidays.</i></p>
<p><i>5 Holiday Tips for Infertile Couples:</i></p>
<p><i>1. Be selective in holiday celebration attendance. If a get-together centers around families with babies and young children, consider whether or not this will be painful for you. If it is, don’t feel guilty about skipping it this year.</i></p>
<p><i>2. Share the holidays with other couples who don’t have kids. Make room in your holiday event schedule to include time with other people who don’t have children to keep your festivities from feeling overwhelming.</i></p>
<p><i>3. Decide ahead of time what to do if you’re asked about having children. Be on the same page with your partner when it comes to talking about your infertility. Be prepared with an answer if someone inquires about building your family, and remember, it’s up to you whether or not to discuss your struggle.</i></p>
<p><i>4. Decide whether or not to hold others’ babies. Well-meaning relatives or friends may want to share in the joy of a new family member, as do you, but remember to listen to your needs first. Holding a baby can bring hope to some infertile couples and incredible pain to others. Consider how you may feel in the situation.</i></p>
<p><i>5. Approach the holidays in a new way. You and your partner may decide to get out of town or take a romantic vacation and skip the family gatherings this year. Don’t be afraid to start a new tradition to help make the holidays happy and carefree as possible.</i></p>
<p><i>5 Etiquette Tips for Friends & Family of Infertile Couples:</i></p>
<p><i>1. Don’t tell the couple, “Relax, it will happen.” This is rule no. 1 when talking to couples struggling to get pregnant. Doctors consider couples that have tried to conceive for more than a year unsuccessfully as infertile. While stress can contribute to infertility, the human reproductive system is complex and affected by a number of biological and physical factors.</i></p>
<p><i>2. Don’t minimize the problem. Coping with infertility is a difficult and painful experience. Avoid trying to diminish the problem by complaining about the hassles of pregnancy or parenting. Infertile couples actually hope for the day they can worry about their own children.</i></p>
<p><i>3. Don't offer advice to “fix” the situation. Whether it’s exercise, food or lifestyle change ideas, the couple’s fertility specialist has probably already covered these topics and provided insight. Couples coping with infertility often blame themselves and struggle with this issue, so there’s no need to highlight the problem.</i></p>
<p><i>4. Don’t push for adoption. Each couple has their own approach to family building and knows what their options are. This is a personal, emotionally charged topic that they may have considered or struggled with, and is simply not appropriate to discuss at a holiday event.</i></p>
<p><i>5. Be encouraging and supportive. Showing you care can mean a lot to a couple struggling with infertility. Spend time together. Plan activities that don’t focus solely on children, and enjoy being together.</i></p>
</div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-65446812148646713092012-09-18T10:52:00.001-07:002012-09-18T10:52:13.459-07:00Notta<div><p>Just got the results from my day 21 progesterone lab. She said 2.0. They like to see 10 or higher. How is it possible for everything else to come back looking good and for this last test to be so bad? I didn't ovulate. So no baby. Now what? I have to make another appointment for after J sees the doctor on 10/2. She wants to discuss our options but wants to see what his doctor says first. Open window, let the dreams fall off the ledge causing them to be crushed at the bottom.</p>
</div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-41172893979067809702012-08-26T12:37:00.000-07:002012-08-26T12:37:44.592-07:00Vacation Blues....<div>
Don't read too much into the title...we had a GREAT time on vacation. I suppressed (there it is again....) most of the blues until we got back from vacation so that we would just be able to enjoy our time off, away from work and real life, with our families. It felt good to do that, until Monday afternoon that is. But then I was magically able to shrug off the phone call and continue on with enjoying what was going on in the moment instead of what I had no control over. How am I able to suppress all those feelings you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA.<br />
Back to Monday of last week. The doc called with the results of my appointment and the hubbs test. She said my US images came back and she didn't see any blockages or cysts so that was a plus. While I am very happy about this, it still means we don't know much. She said she is still leaning towards the PCOS diagnosis with everything else I told her, but without the cyst section of it so I should be happy about that. We are still going to go ahead with the "challenge" and blood work for this next cycle and that should tell her more once she knows my different levels of FSH and testosterone and whatever else she is testing on me....a whole list of things. So now we must wait for day 3 to arrive so I can be poked and prodded and then again on day 10 and I think day 21 as well....<br />
While I am happy to have some news, I again can admit that it isn't enough for me. I want all the answers right away (must be my generation....)<br />
We also found out the results for the hubbs. Doc said the results came back abnormal but didn't have much else to tell me. She wants him to see a urologist.....lovely. It would make me feel 100% better if the hubbs didn't have to bear this problem like I do. He was worried and now with this from the doc, he is probably even more worried that it is all his fault. I just hope he sees that it isn't. My faith tank for this matter is going on empty. Prayers welcome.</div>
Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-68705723404001487852012-08-26T10:32:00.000-07:002012-08-26T10:32:00.125-07:00Wanding awayDuring my lunch a couple weeks ago I went to the Dr for my sonogram. It was a quick 30 minute appointment. I got there, the waiting room had 3 "ready to pop" pregnant ladies and then one old/er lady. It was <strike>joyous</strike> not fun to be in the waiting room (to find out whether or not my insides might look alright enough for a potential baby) with all those pregnant women. I was on edge to begin with since I didn't know really what to expect. I was alone, hubby had to work. And I was sitting in a room full of freaken fertile women.<br />
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The appointment, to say the least, was horrifying. I didn't expect to really care I guess. I just figured I would go in, be "photographed" and leave. Well that is what happened, BUT.<br />
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BUT, my sonographer - lab tech lady - didn't talk to me at all the entire time.<br />
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Silence and viewing the inside of my body not having a clue as to what she was looking at was a bit un-nerving. The ultra sound (outside viewing) of my belly made me ubber-sad. I don't even know how to fully explain what I was seeing. It was just empty. Completely empty. Definitely a worse feeling than the pregnancy tests that scream NOT pregnant. Then she moved on to the sonogram part of inside (i.e. wand inside lady parts). This was weird too. She took pictures and measurements and I had no idea what I was seeing. Yes, I could have asked. Yes, I should have asked. But the lump in my throat prevented me from doing that. I hope - PRAY - that I never have to do that part again, but I know that I shouldn't cross it off my list of unpleasant experiences just yet. Who knows what else will come my way with this process.<br />
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Needless to say, the appointment ended. I got into my car and fell apart. Then cleaned myself up and went back to work. I definitely would have rather had the appointment on the Thursday after work like planned as I DID NOT feel like dealing with people for the next 4 hours. I sucked it up and repressed my feelings until I got home. Boy I'm getting good at repressing things....Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-5032288583972416212012-08-14T11:11:00.000-07:002012-08-26T10:25:33.685-07:00Appointment chaos<div>
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Last Tuesday I had my annual pap appointment. All is clear on that end (well in two weeks it should come back just fine the doc said). I also met with the actual doctor instead of the nurse practitioner. When speaking with her I found out that she too has baby making issues. She had to take metformin for her first child and then clomid for her second. This honestly made me feel almot 100% better at the time knowing I would have a doctor who understood some of my issues first hand. She said that if we do continue on the clomid route and after 3 cycles nothing has happened that she will refer me to a RE (reproductive endocologist). ANYHOW....At the appointment she decided that we need to first do a sonogram. The sonogram was scheduled for yesterday. I went. More on that later. </div>
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The doc also mentioned metformin, but we are holding off for this cycle so we can do a "clomid challenge". Basically on day 3 of my period I will get some labs done and then twice more I will get other labs done all while taking clomid. Right now I am in the middle of a cycle, so once I get my period again, that is when this challenge begins. She is hoping the clomid and tests will tell her something about how I am ovulating and what not. She brought up PCOS since my periods are so bizarre still. When I asked her if it takes a while to show up, she said my birth control was possibly masking it. The labs in the next cycle will tell her more. So I may or may not go on metformin, maybe the next cycle. Who knows. The metformin would regulate my cycles more. The clomid would cause me to "super ovulate" hopefully. She said that with my strange cycles and strange ovulation dates during my cycles (as early as day 10 to as late as day 21) could possibly mean I'm not fully ovulating even though the pee tests tell me I am. </div>
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All this could also go out the window after my sonogram of my insides if there is anything wrong visibly or depending on what the hubb's test comes back as. Hopefully both of those come back clear and we can get started on the "challenge" and lab tests to find out what is going on with me.</div>
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Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-43243494186262581452012-07-18T10:47:00.000-07:002012-07-18T11:45:39.318-07:00How am I doing?<div><p>In June, my sister had her baby. We went home and made it just a couple hours after she was born. She is adorable. But yet, she is another baby in my life. Another reminder that we do not have a baby in our lives. </p>
<p>Our anniversary is next Tuesday. That makes it two years since we started our family and almost two years that we started trying to expand our family. My cycles are sort of normalish....getting more the 43 days on average instead of 60, but still not as short as I would like them. I am still showing a LH surge each cycle, so that is a plus, but I don't know if the egg is even dropping since I have not had my tubs checked. August 7th I will have my annual pap and I requested a longer appointment and made it with a MD instead of a nurse. Hopefully we can get something figured out. </p>
<p>The hubbs wants to be tested (which I will request in August). He is worried it is him. Breaks my heart to hear him say that. Makes me remember I am not in this alone. Thank God I have my best friend here next to me for support. At first I think he was stuck on the "it'll happen" track. I have always had this weird feeling something was off so while I would hope and hope each cycle, deep down I knew these tests would say - or not pregnant. By the way, don't buy those unless confirming a positive test...they hurt more. It was a little annoying to have him on a different track than me before, but now I wish he was still on it. Must be love I guess. </p>
<p>How am I? I am still here. I am still faithful. I am slowly losing weight....like very slowly. I am still keeping calm (as much as I can). I am still baby dancing hoping for a good result. I am a year older. I am a year further into our marriage.I am still <b>not</b> pregnant. </p>
</div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-73992313505706454752012-06-27T14:20:00.001-07:002012-06-27T14:20:29.156-07:00Drunken Cheerleaders<div><p>I joined the group on facebook for the book "Every drunken cheerleader: why not me?" a while back. The other day a co-worker was facebook stalking my profile and saw I was a member of this group. The next day she came into work and told me she thought it was a funny group to join. "What a great name for it! And isn't it true that high schoolers seem to get pregnant so easily? That's how I was too, just not in high school." REALLY! She sort of knows what we're going through in the fact that we've been trying for almost 2 years now. How completely insensitive! She needs to read that book and maybe get slapped in the face.</p>
</div>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-51183837830009442932012-06-14T10:48:00.000-07:002012-06-14T10:48:26.010-07:00Gold StarI realize that I posted to be reminded to post the following day, but it is now June 14th (HAPPY FLAG DAY!!) and I am just posting now about the conversation the hubs and I had. Gold star for promptness huh? NOT. With the insurance coverage still being up in the air, it is worded funny and my husband's company pays the first part of the deductible so we are unsure if we would still need that $500 up front or not, we are waiting. My annual appointment is due in July. We will go to this appointment together and see what is next for us. Until then we are just trying as always not to stress about it. Trying is the key word. AF came April 18th and has not come since. I have tested 3 different times, the last time was yesterday and still not pg. Not sure why I am back to the long gap, but hopefully my body gets with the program soon.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-90380410869817670092012-05-28T16:22:00.001-07:002012-05-28T16:22:25.702-07:00Tomorrow....Remind me tomorrow to blog about our weekend discussion....Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1571413904808519244.post-30286073928441192292012-05-11T14:55:00.000-07:002012-05-12T12:42:56.923-07:00I.didn't.believe.it.until.people.said.it.again.and.again.Who wishes people a happy mother's day? I can see if you are with kids...but it isn't like Merry Christmas or Happy St. Patricks day! I work at a bank and have been wished this crap by so many people today! It's like getting smacked with a stick in the face while walking through the woods. Your already on edge because your in the woods and you know that the woods has some things your uncomfortable with coming up and BAM you get smacked in the face with a stick because you were too busy trying to avoid things like stores, commericals, and even TV shows in general that bring up Mother's Day.<i> (Yes I realized I switched from walking in the woods to mother's day...but you get it!) </i>Ugh...is it Monday yet?Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00997716036088511890noreply@blogger.com0