Sunday, August 26, 2012

Wanding away

During my lunch a couple weeks ago I went to the Dr for my sonogram. It was a quick 30 minute appointment. I got there, the waiting room had 3 "ready to pop" pregnant ladies and then one old/er lady. It was joyous not fun to be in the waiting room (to find out whether or not my insides might look alright enough for a potential baby) with all those pregnant women. I was on edge to begin with since I didn't know really what to expect. I was alone, hubby had to work. And I was sitting in a room full of freaken fertile women.

The appointment, to say the least, was horrifying. I didn't expect to really care I guess. I just figured I would go in, be "photographed" and leave. Well that is what happened, BUT.

BUT, my sonographer - lab tech lady - didn't talk to me at all the entire time.

Silence and viewing the inside of my body not having a clue as to what she was looking at was a bit un-nerving. The ultra sound (outside viewing) of my belly made me ubber-sad. I don't even know how to fully explain what I was seeing. It was just empty. Completely empty. Definitely a worse feeling than the pregnancy tests that scream NOT pregnant. Then she moved on to the sonogram part of inside (i.e. wand inside lady parts). This was weird too. She took pictures and measurements and I had no idea what I was seeing. Yes, I could have asked. Yes, I should have asked. But the lump in my throat prevented me from doing that. I hope - PRAY - that I never have to do that part again, but I know that I shouldn't cross it off my list of unpleasant experiences just yet. Who knows what else will come my way with this process.

Needless to say, the appointment ended. I got into my car and fell apart. Then cleaned myself up and went back to work. I definitely would have rather had the appointment on the Thursday after work like planned as I DID NOT feel like dealing with people for the next 4 hours. I sucked it up and repressed my feelings until I got home. Boy I'm getting good at repressing things....

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