Stats....

18 eggs asspirated.  13 injected with sperm. 11 fertilized by the next day. We'll find out more tomorrow and with probably implant 2-3 depending on quality of the embryos on Saturday morning. Woot woot. God is great!

Medical miracles

I know that God is amazing. I know that his plan is worth it and He only hands us things that we can handle. Since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a mommy. Someday I know I will be one. Not because  I am crazy fertile or because we are pregnant. But because I have faith. Two Fridays ago we began our first round of ivf. So far so good. Stats will come in a later post. At this time though,  I am just at peace. I know that until that baby or babies are in our arms that nothing is a guarantee. And even then.....who knows. What I do know is that it will happen eventually and that I am okay with. God doesn't give painful experiences without some sort of joyful experience to enjoy after. I thank God for our current good fortune in this horrid journey of infetility and pray for all of those who continue to suffer everyday. Without God creating the mind of all of us and the great doctors and scientists, we would be no where near where we have gotten today.

Feelings

Fear. Anxiety. Worry. Scared. Torn. Nervous. Impatience. Pain. Hope. Faith. Restless. Sadness. Happiness. Afraid. Uncertainty. Loss of control.

The hurry up and wait game just might kill us. I wish there was a way I could remove myself from all these emotions. I don't do well with them. I can't control them properly and I let them appear whenever they see fit. I use to be better at hiding them but for some reason I just want to scream them out when they appear.  Loss of control is the worst. I wish I could just turn my mind off with this whole process. Hurry up and wait has never worked for me. I am impatient and I want instant answers and results when I deal with things and in this situation, I have NO control. One more week and we'll have our first questions answered. I can do this. We can do this.

RE Adventures

On Tuesday the hubbs and I went to Omaha for our first appointment with the RE. Lots of information "throw up" at us (as she would like to say). We really liked her and her approach to things and are happy with our decision to go to her. I was a bit nervous with this because it took us 3 months to get in to see her and if we didn't like her, we risked the chance of having to wait another 3 or more months to get in with someone different. Needless to say the only waiting we are doing now is for my next cycle starts. The RE would like to check for polyps and such inside my uterus and also another SA for the hubbs. After this point though I am assuming we will jump feet first into either IUI or IVF on my following cycle. Maybe by the end of May I will be changing my wanna-be status!

Numbness

The last few months I have been feeling rather numb to my life. I get up, go to work, occasionally go to the gym and then it's home to make dinner and lounge around. Other people continue on with their lives and I continue to just feel numb to my surroundings.  Not sure how healthy it really is, but it's how it is right now. I don't know what I am doing. I don't have a purpose. Well I don't feel like I have a purpose.  Does this happen to anyone else?

Sentences

We put an offer in on a house on Saturday.
It was countered back and we have til 11 today to respond.
I have to "beg" our landlord to let us have a less than 60 day notice or this all goes to hell.
They want to close on or before Nov 30th.
We want to close before Thanksgiving weekend.
I get to drive twenty minutes to get the husbands plates renewed.
They expired in MN a year and a half ago.
He finally got pulled over last week for them.
$115 dollar ticket. Joy.
We have an appointment this afternoon as well with my doctor.
I know she will tells us what to do next since that is the point of this appointment.
I am worried it will be only IVF.
Completely okay, but that puts our lives on hold until we can afford it.
That means many more family events with strange looks and dumb ass questions.
How much longer can I be strong? I already hold back random bouts of tears on my way to work, at work, on lunch, and at home. I feel so defeated and like a failure. The win of getting this house will probably help, but for how long?  

How to survive the holidays .....

While I am not sure how WE will survive the holidays as infertiles....this article offers some tips for all of us to remember not just during the holidays, but all the time!

I found it on http://www2.wjbf.com/ugc/snap/news/5-holiday-tips-for-infertile-couples-and-5-tips-fo/13947/

Here it is:

These simple tips will go a long ways in helping infertile couples celebrate the holidays.

As the holidays gain momentum, festivities with family and friends take up a large part of the season. But for many couples, this joyous time is dampened by infertility. As family gatherings and children-centered activities ensue, infertile couples can struggle with the pain of not having their own family yet, especially when a friend or family member casually drops the question, “When are you going to have kids?”

One in six couples experiences infertility. This adds up to a lot of silent sufferers during the holiday season. The Servy Massey Fertility Institute offers these helpful tips for infertile couples and their loved ones during the holidays.

5 Holiday Tips for Infertile Couples:

1. Be selective in holiday celebration attendance. If a get-together centers around families with babies and young children, consider whether or not this will be painful for you. If it is, don’t feel guilty about skipping it this year.

2. Share the holidays with other couples who don’t have kids. Make room in your holiday event schedule to include time with other people who don’t have children to keep your festivities from feeling overwhelming.

3. Decide ahead of time what to do if you’re asked about having children. Be on the same page with your partner when it comes to talking about your infertility. Be prepared with an answer if someone inquires about building your family, and remember, it’s up to you whether or not to discuss your struggle.

4. Decide whether or not to hold others’ babies. Well-meaning relatives or friends may want to share in the joy of a new family member, as do you, but remember to listen to your needs first. Holding a baby can bring hope to some infertile couples and incredible pain to others. Consider how you may feel in the situation.

5. Approach the holidays in a new way. You and your partner may decide to get out of town or take a romantic vacation and skip the family gatherings this year. Don’t be afraid to start a new tradition to help make the holidays happy and carefree as possible.

5 Etiquette Tips for Friends & Family of Infertile Couples:

1. Don’t tell the couple, “Relax, it will happen.” This is rule no. 1 when talking to couples struggling to get pregnant. Doctors consider couples that have tried to conceive for more than a year unsuccessfully as infertile. While stress can contribute to infertility, the human reproductive system is complex and affected by a number of biological and physical factors.

2. Don’t minimize the problem. Coping with infertility is a difficult and painful experience. Avoid trying to diminish the problem by complaining about the hassles of pregnancy or parenting. Infertile couples actually hope for the day they can worry about their own children.

3. Don't offer advice to “fix” the situation. Whether it’s exercise, food or lifestyle change ideas, the couple’s fertility specialist has probably already covered these topics and provided insight. Couples coping with infertility often blame themselves and struggle with this issue, so there’s no need to highlight the problem.

4. Don’t push for adoption. Each couple has their own approach to family building and knows what their options are. This is a personal, emotionally charged topic that they may have considered or struggled with, and is simply not appropriate to discuss at a holiday event.

5. Be encouraging and supportive. Showing you care can mean a lot to a couple struggling with infertility. Spend time together. Plan activities that don’t focus solely on children, and enjoy being together.