How am I doing?

In June, my sister had her baby. We went home and made it just a couple hours after she was born. She is adorable. But yet, she is another baby in my life. Another reminder that we do not have a baby in our lives.

Our anniversary is next Tuesday. That makes it two years since we started our family and almost two years that we started trying to expand our family. My cycles are sort of normalish....getting more the 43 days on average instead of 60, but still not as short as I would like them. I am still showing a LH surge each cycle, so that is a plus, but I don't know if the egg is even dropping since I have not had my tubs checked. August 7th I will have my annual pap and I requested a longer appointment and made it with a MD instead of a nurse. Hopefully we can get something figured out.

The hubbs wants to be tested (which I will request in August). He is worried it is him. Breaks my heart to hear him say that. Makes me remember I am not in this alone. Thank God I have my best friend here next to me for support. At first I think he was stuck on the "it'll happen" track. I have always had this weird feeling something was off so while I would hope and hope each cycle, deep down I knew these tests would say - or not pregnant. By the way, don't buy those unless confirming a positive test...they hurt more. It was a little annoying to have him on a different track than me before, but now I wish he was still on it. Must be love I guess.

How am I? I am still here. I am still faithful. I am slowly losing weight....like very slowly. I am still keeping calm (as much as I can). I am still baby dancing hoping for a good result. I am a year older. I am a year further into our marriage.I am still not pregnant.

Drunken Cheerleaders

I joined the group on facebook for the book "Every drunken cheerleader: why not me?" a while back. The other day a co-worker was facebook stalking my profile and saw I was a member of this group. The next day she came into work and told me she thought it was a funny group to join. "What a great name for it! And isn't it true that high schoolers seem to get pregnant so easily? That's how I was too, just not in high school." REALLY! She sort of knows what we're going through in the fact that we've been trying for almost 2 years now. How completely insensitive! She needs to read that book and maybe get slapped in the face.

Gold Star

I realize that I posted to be reminded to post the following day, but it is now June 14th (HAPPY FLAG DAY!!) and I am just posting now about the conversation the hubs and I had. Gold star for promptness huh? NOT. With the insurance coverage still being up in the air, it is worded funny and my husband's company pays the first part of the deductible so we are unsure if we would still need that $500 up front or not, we are waiting. My annual appointment is due in July. We will go to this appointment together and see what is next for us. Until then we are just trying as always not to stress about it. Trying is the key word. AF came April 18th and has not come since. I have tested 3 different times, the last time was yesterday and still not pg. Not sure why I am back to the long gap, but hopefully my body gets with the program soon.

Tomorrow....

Remind me tomorrow to blog about our weekend discussion....

I.didn't.believe.it.until.people.said.it.again.and.again.

Who wishes people a happy mother's day? I can see if you are with kids...but it isn't like Merry Christmas or Happy St. Patricks day! I work at a bank and have been wished this crap by so many people today! It's like getting smacked with a stick in the face while walking through the woods. Your already on edge because your in the woods and you know that the woods has some things your uncomfortable with coming up and BAM you get smacked in the face with a stick because you were too busy trying to avoid things like stores, commericals, and even TV shows in general that bring up Mother's Day. (Yes I realized I switched from walking in the woods to mother's day...but you get it!) Ugh...is it Monday yet?

Mexico

Sometimes I really wish I didn't have a job. Like right now for instance. It's been almost two weeks since AF visited which means that I should be ovulating soon. No smile in the opening yet, but I feel like it will be there eventually this week. The hubbs is in Mexico this week for training for work. Rough huh? No job would be I could go with, but I guess then we also wouldn't have a place to live either! I wish I had more PTO available....another month down the drain I guess. Oh and did I mention that the doctor wants $500 up front before an appointment is made? Lovely. Insurance company to be called on Monday. Hopefully they cover infertility testing.

....

Sister-in-law called last night. She's 12 weeks pregnant. Yes it's the same one who miscarried in January. That's all.